Nothing new to say
Nothing new to report ’cause the future happened yesterday
If I could tell the truth
I could make you stay
But forever seems so far away
I fell apart in your arms
For the last time
And I felt free to do what I want
Because of the things you told me
I will learn to live again
For now I’m breaking
All the things I couldn’t mend without escaping
I will learn to love again
The thing is… It’s not just about the physical aspect of my passion for you anymore. I thought I was over you. I’m sorry I told you I was and I’m not.
I’m talking to one of my very bestest friends on the phone and we are just realizing that I’ve got five days.
Oh dear Lord.
Play like a mf’ing champion.
I can’t get over you. I don’t even know what I see in you – other people don’t understand – but there’s something there that attracts me to you. It’s been a year or two since this occurred and I’ve known you for like five or six years at least and it’s only been since the last year that I’ve had these feelings for you. I don’t think there’s anything I want more in this world than to be with you. Is that crazy?
So I’ve had some very big changes in my life since my last post that are going to make many things in the foreseeable future very difficult.
With that said, I think I’ve been pretty proactive in trying to do all that I can to try to change the situation, make the best of it, and be positive. It sucks. It’s my fault, but it is what it is. I have a sort of peace, though, honestly.
I have some time to focus on getting a social media and Google Analytics / AdWords certification, so I plan on trying to focus on doing that, too.
I’m believer in God and I feel that He has a plan, but I just don’t know what that plan is. He just didn’t want me at FLS. He has a better plan for me. And things will work out the way He wants them too somehow. I just pray that it does soon. I am scared. A little. But I continue to pray.
I am so lucky to have supportive friends that love me. So very lucky.
I need to recognize that I have some friends too that are going through some difficult times too right now and that need to be prayed for, so please pray for them too, if you’re reading this.
Hopefully things will work out.
Lately there’s been so much on my plate and so much to think about. I’m 29. I’ll be 30 in seven months. Fucking 30 years old. Ugh. I’m at the point I should have a good job, a family, a house, etc. A friend of mine had posted about this on FB tonight and it reminded me about everything I’ve been feeling lately. I feel so much pressure to get married and have a grandchild for my mother it’s ridiculous.
My friend gave me some advice tonight. They said “Do the shit you want to do now.” Don’t wait. I want to be a music journalist. Like another post from a few days ago, someone told me to try to find a new passion, a new interest. That fucking rubbed me the wrong way. Somehow I am going to do the shit I want to do now.